The 2014 Winter Para-Olympic Closing Ceremony: Afer Hours.

As I mentioned throughout the 2014 Winter Para-Olympics there was a degree of tension between the Russians who were hosting the games, Channel 4 (C4) who were broadcasting the games in the UK and me who was watching. Following the end of Sunday's (16/3/14) closing ceremony broadcast C4 put on a special evening of programing to look at this tension in detail.

The main part of this was the climax of C4's "Live From Space" which was a mini-season of programs about space exploration. This began on Wednesday (12/3/14) mid-way through the United Nations Framework Convention of Climate Change (UNFCCC) meeting in Bonn, Germany. UNFCCC meetings are always complicated and technical but this meeting was especially so focused on what mitigation efforts nations would take, the specifics of how those efforts would be measured and how they would be monitored and verified. As a result it led to something of a beauty contests between nations all desperate to show off their scientific abilities.

C4's Live From Space season obviously showcased the US' work through NASA and attempted to closely link the UK to NASA's work. Obviously the hope was that not too many people would pick up on the fact that the International Space Station (ISS) is in fact an international effort. Relying heavily on satellite data the search for Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 was supposed to show that Malaysia - and by extension the UK Commonwealth - was at the centre of a discussion about everyone's latest technology. This type of satellite and surveillance technology will of course play a key role in measuring atmospheric pollution and things like forest loss.

The climax of the "Live From Space" season was a live show called "A Lap of the Earth" which followed the ISS as it made a complete orbit around the earth. Aiming to explain the entire history, structure and meaning of the universe astronomy and astro-physics are rather mind-blowing subjects and this is especially true if you attempt to deal with them having smoked marijuana. Added to that the show was presented by Dermot O'Leary. Some people may know that when I went to visit my lesbian wife in Spain we were unexpectedly joined by the producer of Dermot O'Leary's BBC Radio 2 show who proceeded to ruin the entire trip not least by immediately contracting chronic food poisoning. As a result it is fair to say that Dermot O'Leary and I are known to each other even if I've yet to hear him formally apologise. Finally "A Lap of the Earth" was a live show with lots of delays as communication with the ISS was lost and then re-established. This left the presenters with lots of time to fill and they chose to fill it with a lot of what could be considered coded references to my movements around the house which they were able to monitor in some way.

As a result I think it's important for me to look in more detail at what I actually got up to following the end of the closing ceremony. Basically this can be summed up in terms of drinking more alcohol, smoking more marijuana, eating pizza and finally taking a little bit of cocaine. During this time I was also somewhat active of Twitter.

The first part of this involved responding to a BBC Sport story about how TeamGB intended to build on it's Sochi 2014 successes. This story was illustrated by a picture of TeamGB's visually impaired skiers Kelly Gallagher and Jade Etherington along with their guides. One way that TeamGB could build on its efforts to increase the profile of disabled sports and portray Jade Etherington as a disabled sex symbol would be to get her into modelling jobs for fashion/men's magazines. Although I think the fashion world has a somewhat undeserved reputation for being bitchy and spiteful it is an entirely visual medium meaning that it all comes down to a person's physical appearance. This can be hard to deal with for someone who is not used to it and could be particularly difficult for someone who isn't entirely sure what they look like.

This appeared to generate a Tweet from the @CanuckProblems account that used to be @SochiProblems and was a big hit during the Olympics although it appeared to peter out during the para-Olympics. I responded with the wording of the Rob Ford/Drake meme that I wanted to use during the TeamUSA V Canada hockey semi-final but couldn't find. Basically it showed a picture of Rob Ford and Drake together above the words; "Both of these men grew up in an affluent Toronto suburb. Unfortunately one of them turned to a life of drugs, gangs and crime. The other is Drake."

I then took the opportunity to publicly send Rihanna a picture I'd been trying to bring up in conversation for a while. This was a teeny, tiny (the best I could find) picture of Russian Cosmopolitan's Olympic issue which featured two female para-Olympians of the cover in a sort of sexy pose. The first interesting thing about this was that it feature para-Olympians on the front cover. The other interesting thing was that there were vague lesbian overtones to the image. As such it seemed to be promoting the para-Olympics while at the same time linking the physiological basis for disability with the physiological basis for homosexuality highlighting that both are pre-determined and therefore not a choice. I think that this was a far more productive effort then American Vogue's efforts that featured Rihanna on the cover and Alexander Wang's ridiculous "Principle 6/1.2.6" campaign.

It was around this point I decided that "A Lap of the Earth" was going to be to big for me to ignore so I would be better off sitting and watching it and waiting for it to pass. During this time I also decided to see if I could put the presenters off their game much as they were trying to put me off mine. If I had to score it myself I would say that I won.

As soon as "A Lap of the Earth" had finished I picked up where I had left off by pointing out to Rihanna - as privately as she allows - that not only has she wasted more then a year of her life chasing shadows she'd also wasted a fair bit of mine.

I then finally found a use for the "Rob Ford: Thug Life" meme. As I couldn't find the image I wanted I downloaded this before the TeamUSA V Canada hockey game alongside the one about meeting Drake ruining Rob Ford's career that I actually used. I think that the fact it had been sitting on my computer since then had prompted a bit of discussion about who was aware of it and what I intended to do with it. Although I don't want to get into anyone's private business the author of @CanuckProblems has been hinting that he is gay - especially when I was joking about setting him up with Miley Cyrus. As such the "We didn't choose this life" message seemed appropriate for the end of the Sochi para-Olympics.

After a moment of pause I decided to the share the video for "Paul McCartney & Wings" song "Mull of Kintyre" because I'd had that stuck in my head since Friday (14/3/14) and it was really starting to make my brain itch. Experience has taught me that often listening to a song a couple times can really help get it out of your head.

I then proceeded to publicly send US Secretary of State John Kerry the video to a song called "I Bombed Korea" by the band "Cake." This was to highlight the fact that the two hour delay created by "A Lap of the Earth" meant that I was now crashing the start of the working week in the eastern hemisphere. I followed this up by posting multiple links to the far superior Hebrew version of the song entitled "I Bombed Beirut" from the film "Waltz With Bashir" alongside references to various Syrian, Lebanese and Libyan cities. 

This was a reference to the fact that all the pressure that Russia has been under during the Sochi games - the threats of terrorist attack, the gay-rights campaign and the coup in Ukraine - were all simply the US trying to be seen by their Saudi and Qatari pay-masters to be getting tough with Russia over its support for the Syrian government. That is why the US has been so keen to show its support for the Kiev 'government' in order to stop them realising they are simply "Useful Idiots" to use the Cold War terminology. To really drive home the point during the para-Olympics a real publicity effort was made to draw attention to the disputed third anniversary of the war in Syria that occurred on Saturday March 15th (15/3/14).

Throughout the situation in Crimea all the rhetoric from the west and the US in particular has been about the need to respect Ukraine's "Sovereignty and Territorial Integrity." The conflict in Syria has completely disregarded the sovereignty and territorial integrity of both that nation and its neighbour Lebanon and killed about 1.5 million people in the process. As such the song "I Bombed Beirut" seemed like a good way of pointing out that I am done taking lectures on international law from any nation that has supported the assault on Syria. Plus it really helped getting the song out of my head.

As that was a bit of a heavy thought to leave things on I did another rendition of "Mull of Kintyre" and went to bed.

(Originally Posted) 15:40 on 21/3/14 (UK date).

The 2014 Winter Para-Olympic Closing Ceremony: Part 2.

This should be read as a direct continuation of part one that can be found here; http://100badones.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/the-2014-winter-para-olympic-closing.html

At the end of the Cossack sequence the UK broadcaster Channel 4 (C4) cut to a commercial break. As I've already mentioned throughout the closing ceremony C4 seemed to be making a deliberate effort to put it's commercial breaks in the most disruptive places possible. Added to that I had to contend with my father who really doesn't get this sort of thing. However rather then simply going in another room and doing something else for two hours my father instead insisted on sitting next to me throughout the ceremony yawning sarcastically and using each commercial break as an opportunity to flip between channels. It was during this break that I finally threw my hands up in frustration and went out for a cigarette. As a result I completely missed this next sequence.

However I gather it saw the return of the majorettes that had been such a big hit in the Olympic closing ceremony and the para-Olympic opening ceremony using their precision marching to form symbols that could be identified from overhead. For example in the para-Olympic opening ceremony the majorettes formed the shape of an Olympic torch. This prompted the para-Olympic themed C4 show "The Last Leg" which was broadcast live a few hours later to pretend they didn't recognise the shape and asked their viewers to identify it on Twitter using the hashtag #TheYellowThing. Later Malaysian authorities claimed they'd spotted "A Yellow Thing" in the search for missing flight MH370 and sent planes and ships to investigate.

Although I can't be sure of the exact sequence I believe that on this occasion the majorettes first formed the para-Olympic "Agitos" symbol to identify this as the para-Olympic games.

Next the majorettes formed up in the shape of the Russian word  "Ura" which roughly translates as "Hooray." However this was spelled out in the Russian, Cyrillic script "YPA" which helps to emphasise the way the Russian language blends the western tradition of using an alphabet to form words and sentences with the Oriental tradition of using symbols to represent words and form sentences. The use of the word "Hooray!" was intended to promote the role that sarcasm can play at the Olympics with nations sometimes being allowed to win events so other nations can have a good laugh at their expense. Simply by putting brackets around the exclamation point "Hooray!" can be changed from an exclamation of joy and success into "Hooray(!)" - an expression of deep sarcasm. That of course played into the importance of grammar in language and general power of language that was present in the sequence in which the word "Impossible" was changed into the sentence "I'm Possible" earlier. The legend "I'm Possible" was of course still hanging above the arena during this sequence.

Finally the majorettes formed up into the shape of a traditional love heart. The purpose of this was to show that Russia indeed loved the para-Olympics and the para-Olympians. This goes back to a long-running point of tension between the International Para-Olympic Committee (IPC) and Russia that goes far beyond the current tension between western governments and Russia. Basically when the Soviet Union hosted the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow they refused to host a para-Olympics on the grounds that 'The Greatest Nation in History' simply doesn't have any imperfect citizens. I think the phrase; "The Soviet Union does not produce cripples" might actually have been used. Although the Soviet Union has since collapsed and has been replaced by a Russia that does seem to be taking the issue of disabled rights seriously that is not the sort of attitude that wins friends in the para-Olympic movement and is not the sort of thing that is forgotten easily. As a result Russia seemed to be trying to make a very clear apology.

The return of the majorettes was simply a way to inject a bit of life into what can otherwise be the rather dull, but important protocol of the flag ceremony which I did get to see. As always this involved the lowering of the Russian national flag and the lowering of the para-Olympic flag. The para-Olympic flag was then handed to representatives of the 2018 South Korea hosts before it was re-raised alongside the South Korea national flag. The Russian flag was carried out of the arena by Russian disabled children while the South Korean national flag was was carried into the arena disabled South Korean children. The flag bearers were clearly chosen here in an effort to keep the politics to a minimum. While this was going on the para-Olympic anthem was being played on the piano by blind pianist Oleg Akkuratov. Although Akkuratov personifies the para-Olympic ideal of achieving despite disability this was also a nod back to the way that dozens of pianists had been used to promote discussion about homosexuality versus paedophilia in the Olympic closing ceremony. After all that was a delightfully smutty pun executed in quite some style.

With the para-Olympic and South Korean flags flying side by side it was time for a short sequence welcoming us to South Korea. Normally I don't like to cover these sections in too much detail because the next host now get four years in which everybody else gets to bombard them with questions. However on this occasion South Korea's section entitled "A Journey Together" was so concise that it seemed to be crying out for explanation.

South Korea's sequence centred around a South Korean artist who lost both his arms in an accident but is apparently not worth naming painting hieroglyphs of the five para-Olympic winter sports while traditional South Korean music played and wheelchair dancers danced. Although the artist was painting the five sports the style of his work owed a lot to Oriental calligraphy. As such I'm tempted to dub this section "The Art of Language" because it showed off the complexity of written Oriental languages. Not only do Oriental languages use symbols rather then letters to form sentences those symbols are actually incredibly intricate with not only the type of individual strokes (there can be up to 30) but also the order and style in which those strikes are applied contributing to the meaning of the symbol. As such calligraphy is a very big thing in Oriental cultures. This sequence obviously introduces you to that aspect of South Korean culture while linking up with the importance of language theme from the Russian parts of the ceremony which in turn highlights the strength of the relationship between Russia and South Korea.

The South Korean sequence ended with a specially composed song entitled "Song of Unity." For the most part this song was sung in South Korean but it's chorus "Welcome to Pyeongchang" was sung in American accented English. That seemed to be the South Koreans indicating that they're getting as p*ssed off with the USA as everybody else is at the moment.

It was then time for the closing speeches. Normal protocol dictates that these are given first by the head of the National Olympic Committee (NOC) and then by the head of the IPC. However on this occasion an exception was made and Russia's speech was delivered by the Russian Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Kozak. This was allowed in order to recognise the role that Kozak had played in personally overseeing the preparations for the Sochi games and in particular his work in making sure that the para-Olympics secured a real legacy of improving disabled rights in Russia. In his speech Kozak played it rather safe simply highlighting how in the run up to the games people had been saying that it would be impossible for Sochi to stage a successful games yet Russia ended up making possible the most successful Winter para-Olympics in history.

In his speech IPC Chair Phillip Craven also acknowledged that the Sochi games had been a success and made of point of thanking the Russian hosts in Russian over and over again. The thing is that the Russian word for "Thank You" is "Spasiba" which sounds a lot like the word "Spastic." Although a purely technical term used to describe the excessive and uncontrolled flexing of muscles often seen in people suffering from Cerebral Palsy "Spastic" has become one of the nastier insults thrown at people with all sorts of disability. As such Craven seemed to be playing around with this insult in an attempt to reclaim it in the same way black people have reclaimed the word "Nigger" and homosexuals have reclaimed the word "Queer." I personally find nothing funnier then being able to describe a para-Olympic crowd as; "going spastic with excitement." Through the force and almost aggression with which Craven used the word "Spasiba" though I felt he was having a deliberate swipe at Russia over the refusal to stage a 1980 Summer para-Olympic games. As that was more then 30 years ago, the regime that was responsible has since been overthrown and the modern Russia has clearly made a very big effort for the Sochi games I personally felt that Craven took things a little bit too far. However as with everything else in these ceremonies my opinion is neither absolute nor final.

With the speeches declaring the games closed it was time for the para-Olympic cauldron to be extinguished. This involved performers of all genders, ages and abilities entering the arena carrying flames in small cardboard lanterns. These were very reminiscent of the Chinese lanterns that featured in the 2012 ceremonies and seemed like a Russian overture of friendship to the Chinese. After all the overall effect of this sequence was very calming.

As the lanterns were brought in three Operatic singers performed a piece I didn't recognise. In all the pre-publicity and media coverage these singers were described as "Three Sopranos." The two Russian female singers - Nafset Chenib and Diana Gurtskaya - were most certainly Sopranos but the male singer - the Spaniard Jose Carreras is a Tenor which obviously posed the question of who knows the difference between a Soprano and a Tenor? Obviously I suspect that the Russian hosts would have preferred to have Italian tenor Andrea Bocelli performing in Carreras' place because Bocelli is blind thus personifying the para-Olympic theme of achieving despite disability. However certain efforts were made to make Carreras resemble Alfonso Cuaron - the director of the much discussed film "Gravity." Also like the rest of us Carreras is not getting any younger so I detected a faint hint of him being used to promote discussion about an ageing population and the disabilities including mobility problems that they bring with them.

The female sopranos were a lot more interesting though. Firstly Diana Gurtskaya who stood on the stage next to Carreras is blind and has sort of made big, black sunglasses her trademark. During the ceremony she was dressed in a masculine style suit which along with the sunglasses gave her a very Mafioso appearance. That was obviously a nod to the Italian mafia, Russian organised crime and the US TV Show "The Sopranos."

Nafest Chenib stood centre stage atop a platform that looked like a crow's nest of a ship. That of course was a reference to Rihanna who is charitably decided as a mezzo-soprano. Chenib was dressed in an ornate white lace dress with an elaborate headpiece. This could be interpreted as her resembling a wintry snowflake or it could be mistaken for a type of wedding dress. That was a jokey little reference to the fact that September 9th's (9/9/12) 2012 Summer para-Olympic closing ceremony is considered my and Rihanna's wedding day. It could also be a reference to the way that the US have subsequently tried to marry Rihanna off first to Chris Brown and then to Drake without much success.

In order to extinguish the Olympic cauldron all the performers leaned forwards as one and blew out their lanterns at the same time. This caused the flame to be extinguished and was a jokey reference to the way the Olympic cauldron had been blown out in a way which was absolutely not a reference to US President Obama's sex life(!) Although they could have chosen any of the performers the Russian TV director decided to focus one boy of a 6 of 7 years old as he blew out his lantern. Building on the Obama reference this was a little nod to the debate about gay-rights versus paedophilia that has been present throughout the Sochi games. As the flame was extinguished the sequence ended with white light falling from the skies as it did during the wedding sequence of the para-Olympic opening ceremony. Again resembling White Phosphorus this "falling skies" effect was supposed to highlight that the international community could have been more helpful in contributing to the gay-rights debate.

Despite the cauldron being extinguished and the games declared close the Russians had prepared one final sequence.

The final spectacular sequence of the closing ceremony had been labelled "Bubble World" in all the pre-publicity. There is something about bubbles that stir an almost childlike joy in people - even saying the word "bubble" is quite fun - so the intention here was to keep everything good natured and quite silly.

However it was also a reference to the way that Olympic and para-Olympic games exist in their own little world inside a bubble made up of sport, sleep, sport, sleep etc. As a result if nations want to bring up political/social issues that are happening at home - as is rather the point of the Olympics - it becomes almost a competition in itself to see if the non-athletic members of the teams (press liaisons, coaches etc) can slip these topics into casual conversation and onto the agenda. Obviously part of the home advantage of staging a games is that everybody in the bubble gets to tune into local TV and radio stations. However as we live in a more inter-connected world this is obviously changing because the worldwide Twitter trends are the same worldwide. As such this closing sequence was intended to promote discussion about the way the Olympic bubble is changing and the changing ways that nations react to it.

The sequence began with performers in star shaped costumes basically bouncing into and around the arena. As these costumes were white, illuminated with LEDS and quite fluffy the performers resembled either Snowflakes or Snowmen depending on how you looked at them. Taken as Snowmen they were a little nod to the video that opened the para-Olympic opening ceremony that resembled the style of the Raymond Briggs cartoon "The Snowman" that C4 show in the UK every Christmas. The performers hats were reminiscent of the whiteface-style clown that acted as the children's guide during the Olympic closing ceremony.  Soon the Snowflakes/men were joined by other performers who were making lots of actual bubbles out of detergent and water. Some of these were firing their bubbles out of cannons. This was a little nod to the snow cannons that had to be used on the alpine venues during Sochi's snow shortages which provoked lots of discussion about climate change.

The party was then joined by the acrobats inside the giant "Zorbing" bubbles that had appeared during the para-Olympic opening ceremony. That was a little nod to the access/censorship debate that they'd initially tried to begin. They were quickly joined all the acrobats who had appeared during the circus sequence of the Olympic closing ceremony who were performing exactly the same tricks and routines. The only difference was that this time the acrobats who were doing ring tricks that sometimes resembled the Olympic rings and sometimes resembled atoms were this time balancing on giant glitter balls. This was a reference to the way people in western nations have been trying to raise the cultural tone by copying the Russians through shows like "Strictly Come Dancing" or "Dancing With The Stars (DWTS)."  For example TeamUSA Snowboarder Amy Purdey went straight from Sochi to appear on DWTS and TeamGB para-Olympians will take part in a special version of "Strictly Come Dancing" during Friday's (21/3/14) "Sport Relief" telethon. Finally all the Cossack dancers joined the party.

During this sequence the music was again being very interesting. It began with what sounded like a Coldplay song which was then joined by a soulful, black female vocal which you could describe as Rihanna-like only a little bit stronger and more polished. This was little nod to 2012 when Coldplay and Rihanna performed together in a ceremony that seemed to take great joy in using songs that people thought they knew only to be embarrassed to discover they didn't. The hymn "I Vow to Thee my Country" which sounds a lot like the anthem of the Rugby Union World Cup "World in Union" being an example that springs to my mind. As with the James Brown sound-a-like in the Cossack sequence this was again Russia going; "Yeah we can do that, we just don't see the point."

As the Coldplay sound faded away the soulful female vocal carried us into a Euro-style electronic dance music beat which we all know from the Eurovision Song Contest. This was intended to promote discussion about Eurovision because surely the US couldn't have thought that a continent that holds such a contest every year could in any way be troubled by Rihanna's antics?! Also the Eurovision Song Contest provides a very good forum for the Russians to practise their soft-power efforts. The problem is that it has become dominated by former Soviet States who are never going to vote for Russia no matter how good their songs are. Although the European Union (EU) and the Eurovision Song Contest are two completely different things this does tend to lead into a discussion about the expansion of the EU into former Soviet States which has been called into hard focus by the situation in Ukraine.

Mainly though it seemed like an attempt to promote discussion about this type of electronic dance/house music. Although music is always hard to explain I think the most well known offenders in this area are the German group "Scooter." While the music they produce is very high energy and popular it lacks the sort of emotional and cultural depth that you normally associate with art. In short it has no soul making it the musical equivalent of empty calories. By using guest vocalists such as Aloe Blacc what Swedish DJ Avicii has managed to do is produce a very soulful style of electronic dance/house music which is proving to be very popular and his efforts were being acknowledged here.

There remains though the question of why the empty calories of acts like Scooter remain popular across continental Europe particularly in Russia and the former Soviet States. I personally have two theories. Firstly people in Russia and the former Soviet States tend to be relatively poor and suffer from limited life options leaving them miserable as a result. People who are miserable don't want emotional depth in their music because it reminds them how miserable they are. Secondly the languages in nations where this type of music is popular tend have a very pounding rhythm to them which is reflected in the music. As a result people who speak those languages are better able to hear the poetry in the music then people who speak more flowing and flourishing languages like English, Spanish, French or Italian.

Suddenly a giant ship made it's way into the arena. As since the return of the majorettes the ceremony had been conditioning you to think that it was simply bringing back the big hits of previous ceremonies you immediately assumed that this was the icebreaker from the para-Olympic opening ceremony. However if you looked closely it was actually a Cruise type ship. A slang term for gay dating is "Cruising" so this ship was meant to point out that the people of Russia and Sochi in particular are nowhere near as homophobic as people think.

As the ship made its way into the arena it started to projecting searchlights around the stadium. It was at that moment you may have noticed a Chinese-looking man in the observation nest on the bow waving a flag reading "YPA!" which is Russian for "Hooray!" As such the ship was a reference to the search for Malaysian airlines flight MH370 which conveniently disappeared on the opening day of the para-Olympics. The MH370 story was so big no-one could avoid it meaning that it forced itself into the para-Olympic bubble. That again feeds into the discussion about the Olympic bubble because pulling a stunt like MH370 would normally be considered cheating.

The fact that is was a Chinese-looking man waving the "Hooray!" flag was supposed to remind us that at its heart the MH370 story is about Malaysia killing 152 Chinese civilians and then proceeding to emotionally torture their relatives by refusing the explain what happened. This is the sort of thing that could be considered a Malaysian act of war against China but so far China's response has been calm, considered and patient. Obviously the relatives of the passengers are being allowed to express their anger during the twice daily press conferences but if it was me I would have put someone through a wall by now. By reminding us of the aggression that China has experienced and how calmly they have responded Russia looks like it was trying to strengthen its ties with China in light of the Ukraine situation.

Finally a DJ appeared on a raised platform and the cruise ship was suddenly lit up to resemble a graphic equaliser while the loud dance music played out inviting everyone in the stadium to come on down and join the party. A nice touch was that the Cossack dancers surrounded the ship like stewards trying to stop people climbing on it. That was to remind everyone how brutally the Cossack stewards dealt with protests during the games. The party scene was a reference to the fact that there's actually a little bit before and a little bit after each ceremony that isn't usually broadcast. It is traditional for the closing ceremonies to turn into a big party for the athletes and it's a bit of test of the relationship between nations and the hosts whether people are allowed to join in with that party. Due to mobility problems and everyone being really exhausted after a long and intense two months there wasn't much of a party after this ceremony and there really wasn't much of a mood for one.

As the purpose of the sequence was to remind us that events at the Olympic village don't suddenly end the moment the TV coverage finishes the ceremony didn't really have a big finale. Instead it just sort of faded out rather like this post has to.

(Originally Posted) 23:30 on 19/3/14 (UK date).

The 2014 Winter Para-Olympic Closing Ceremony.

Yesterday (16/3/14) saw the closing of the 2014 Winter Para-Olympics and with it the final end of competition in Sochi, Russia. As is tradition proceedings were brought to a close with a spectacular if deliberately low key closing ceremony.

If I had to identify a central theme of the ceremony it was the contrast between the way that Russia and other former/current Communist states embrace high culture while western societies - particularly the USA - tend to reject it with the obsession with pop culture seemingly on an endless mission to find a new lowest common denominator.

The classic example of this is ballet. In the west ballet is very much a minority pursuit with those who take part in it often being mocked by the majority. In Russia and other former/current Communist states such as Cuba ballet is taught in schools alongside subjects such as maths and science. Although under Communism this was mandated to make sure the individual was able to serve the nation to the best of their abilities the tradition has continued in many former Soviet states. As a result people who grew up in former Soviet states tend to be significantly better educated and more culturally well rounded then their western counterparts.

As is traditional the ceremony began with a short video sequence in order to allow all the TV networks who were showing it live to synchronise their coverage. The UK broadcaster Channel 4 (C4) did not show this video meaning that the only bit UK viewers got to see was the 10 to 1 countdown that was projected onto the arena floor. However I was able to watch the video online beforehand and it featured Aleksey Chuvashev - the para-Olympic rower and 2012 medal winner who would go on to play a central role in the ceremony. The message of the video was very much strength and precision. For example we saw Chuvashev lifting a dumbbell which was over-layed with graphics that looked like an engineer's drawing showing the angles at which Chuvashev's joints were flexing.

The ceremony itself began with members of the Russian Wheelchair Dance Sport Federation performing a wheelchair dance routine. This obviously highlighted the para-Olympic theme of achieving despite disability. I know that for people heavily involved in the para-Olympic movement or disability rights more generally this seems like flogging a dead horse but sadly it is a message that needs restating over and over again especially with every new nation visited. The fact that Russia has a Dance Sport Federation let alone a Wheelchair Dance Sport Federation highlights the way that Russia tends to embrace and support such cultural activities. While in the UK ballroom dancing has always had a small but strong core of support and its popularity is growing in Russia ballroom dancing is considered a typical pastime similar to playing amateur football or going to the gym.

At other Sochi ceremonies dancers had been used to form significant shapes as part of their routines. For example there was the Taoist Ying and Yang symbol and the mathematical lemniscate that appeared in the Olympic closing ceremony. As a result a lot of people would have been looking very closely at the Wheelchair dancers routine to see if there were any important references. As it turns out the dancers played it very safe only forming generic shapes such as circles and what could have been interpreted as a wintery snowflake. Along with the blues and whites of the colour scheme and the classical-style music by Russia composer Alfred Schnittke this gave the sequence a very calming feel. The intention being that Russia was trying to use the ceremony to make sure everyone behaved calmly and peacefully in response to the referendum that was going on in near-by Crimea.

As the wheelchair dancers were performing on the ground trapeze artists began to descend from the ceiling encapsulated by what can only be described as illuminated strips of fabric. Choreographed by Britain's Phil Hayes who also worked on the 2012 ceremonies this sequence was supposed to promote discussion about Russia and the UK's differing approaches to their respective Olympic ceremonies. As is really the tradition the Russians have used their ceremonies to raise a few political/social points in a generally quite easy to understand way. By contrast the 2012 ceremonies were so vast and so complex their meaning was almost entirely lost. For example I think I wrote more then a thousand words on the "Wind Gremlins" that appeared for all of five minutes at the start of the 2012 para-Olympic closing ceremony but still did not cover all the things they could have symbolised.

Following the UK's approach of maximum complexity as the trapeze artists descended they looked as those they were being held within birdcages. This could have been a reference to any occasion that birdcages have featured in popular culture anywhere in the world. The "Looney Tunes" cartoon "Tweety Bird" was just one of the examples that leaped to my mind. However I think we were being more directed to the 1996 film "The Birdcage." A remake of the 1978 film "La Cage aux Folles" which in turn is based on a 1973 French play of the same name this farce centres around a gay cabaret owner and his drag queen partner who have to meet the very conservative parents of the cabaret owner's son's fiancee. The Birdcage is a very iconic gay film so was included as a reference to the gay-rights debate which has been so central to the Sochi games. Also I personally detected a hint of Rihanna there because you could describe her as a song bird that the US are trying to keep caged.

As the trapeze artist started to rise back towards the ceiling their 'birdcages' began to billow making them resemble Jellyfish. The gentleness of the movements added to the general sense of calm in the sequence but again this could be a reference to any occasion that Jellyfish have featured in any discussion anywhere in the world. However I think it was primarily a reference to the way that environmental pollutants can mimic hormones in the human endocrine system which forms part of the debate about the physiological basis for homosexuality. This problem is most noticeable in aquatic ecosystems where simple organism - of which Jellyfish are particularly large examples - absorb these pollutants (dioxins are a particular problem). These simple organisms are then eaten by fish which absorb the pollutants. The fish are then eaten by humans who in turn absorb all the pollutants that have been absorbed by the simple organisms and all the pollutants that have been absorbed by the fish. Also Jellyfish are Hermaphrodites meaning that they are both male and female and can reproduce asexually which is obviously hugely interesting when discussing sexuality and reproduction.

Once they'd reached various levels above the arena floor the trapeze artists 'birdcages' fully opened out like an umbrella which Rihanna of course made famous with her song "Umbrella." However if you looked closely the 'birdcages' were actually forming two sets of rotor blades the were rotating in opposite directions. This was a reference that could only really be appreciated by serious helicopter nerds. As a helicopter's rotor blades rotate they create torque which forces the fuselage of the helicopter to rotate in the opposite direction. Designers have come up with two ways of solving this problem. The first involves having a tail rotor which pushes the helicopter back against the torque created by the main rotor blades. The other is to have coaxial main rotors which spin in opposite directions cancelling out the torque effect. The tail rotor system tends to be used in the west because it is cheaper while Russia's Kamov helicopter company uses the more complex but generally considered better coaxial design. As the search for Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 has continued throughout the para-Olympics using mainly Russian made helicopters many people would have been exposed to the coaxial rotor design for the first time.

Finally with their rotor blades extended the trapeze artists began to fly around above the arena. Due to the lighting effects this made the resemble Fireflies. That could have been a reference to the TV show "Firefly" that played such a large role in the 2012 Olympics. It could also a reference to any occasion where Fireflies have come up in discussion anywhere in the world. The "Owl City" song "Fireflies" springs immediately to mind but I think it was primarily a reference to the video for the song "Hey Brother" by Swedish DJ "Avicii" who was put up for discussion in more depth later in the ceremony.

Behind the scenes of this sequence there was one hell of a negotiation going on between Russia and the UK. For example trapeze is a circus skill which the Russians are traditionally very good at. However in an effort to compete the UK announced - during the Sochi games - the setting up of a government funded National Centre for Circus Arts. This is one of the possible reasons why the UK is better then Russia at soft-power efforts despite Russia's clear cultural advantage. Basically the UK has set up a national infrastructure of almost factories to develop soft-power talents. The most obvious example is the BRIT School of performing arts that absorbs potential pop-stars from around the UK and develops them into a highly polished if soul destroying finished product. The often referenced "Jessie J" is a graduate of the BRIT school.

Also there is the debate about the benefits of putting on such complex ceremonies because if you're trying to promote discussion about certain political/social issues it helps if people can actually understand what is going on. After all Rihanna, helicopters and the environment are three topics that I am very knowledgeable in but it has taken me almost an entire day of reflection to get all the references. Most people wouldn't have stood a chance.

With this complex and British dominated opening sequence coming to an end it seems a good point for me to take a break. Fortunately the Russian dominated remainder of the ceremony was much less intense.


15:35 on 17/3/14 (UK date).

Edited at around 19:30 on 17/3/14 (UK date) to add;

With the opening sequence completed it was time for the protocol of the raising of the host nation's flag and the singing of the host's national anthem. The Russian flag was carried into the arena by a small selection of the 80 Russian athletes who had won gold medals at the para-Olympics. Obviously the medal winners bring with them the stories how they won their medals but generally this seemed to be an attempt to keep the sequence as non-political as possible. As the flag made its way into the arena Peter Tchaikovsky's 5th symphony was played. Tchaikovsky is obviously a world famous Russian composer and the fact that he was gay has made him central to the gay-rights debate throughout the Sochi games. His inclusion here was just a little nod to that.

The Russian national anthem was performed by a civilian choir that had been assembled from across Russia. Although I can't be sure I suspect this included students of the Russian special school for musically gifted children with disabilities that featured in the para-Olympic opening ceremony. It certainly gave us a good opportunity to speculate though. Again the choice of a civilian rather then a military choir was intended to soften the somewhat harsh sounding Russian national anthem as reference to the hard (military) power and the soft (cultural) power that had been a theme of all the ceremonies and has been called into hard focus by the situation in Ukraine.

Throughout this sequence there was a large model of the entire nation of Russia on the arena floor lit in the colours of the Russian national flag. This was obviously another attempt to remind people just how huge a nation Russia actually is. However it was also a reference to the campaign ahead of the Crimean referendum that was taking place during the ceremony. One of the main posters used in that campaign shows two maps of Crimea. In one the nation is coloured in the Russian flag but in the other it is coloured in the Swastika flag of Nazi Germany. The purpose of the poster is to highlight that the people of Crimea were being asked to choose a future with Russia or a future with a Ukraine that now has fascists in its Kiev government.

The protocol stage with the flagpoles and the lecterns for the speeches also appeared to resemble a country. While I don't think it was in the shape of any actual country it could be mistaken for Russia, Ukraine or Crimea so seemed to be a little reference to the fact that it was unavoidable that people would be looking at the ceremony for clues about the situation in Ukraine. The protocol stage of course remained in the arena throughout the ceremony.

With the flag sequence over C4 cut to a commercial break. Where as in the opening ceremony C4 were incredibly sensitive about when they cut to commercial - the cut to "The Last Leg" was really part of the ceremony - in the closing ceremony C4 seemed to be deliberately putting their breaks in the worst possible places. To make matters even worse the advert breaks kept varying in length making it hard to predict when we'd be getting back to the action. In part this was a contribution to the debate about censorship and access that exist at all Olympics. It also seemed to be a debate between C4 and the UK broadcast regulator OFCOM about the rules concerning advert breaks. The obvious thing for C4 to do would be to adopt the US approach to commercial breaks that is used in the Superbowl where rather then having long breaks they simply cut to one or two quick commercials when time allows. Unfortunately OFCOM rules don't allow them to do this which is also a bit of an issue when UK networks try and show US TV Shows which are designed around the US commercial break model. Finally I think C4 were just trying to annoy me because a few years ago I said something along the lines of; "I don't think, I just do what the TV tells me." Sadly some people actually believed this.

Due to C4's intrusive commerical breaks I completely missed the start of the next sequence. However I believe it began with large models of paintings by Russian artist Wassily Kandinsky. Apart from being a famous Russian whose work is widely known and respected even outside of the art world a lot of Kandinsky's most popular work involves the use of lots of geometric shapes. That helped set things up nicely for the next phase of the sequence.

Accompanied by a thumping Techno soundtrack the Kandinsky paintings left the stage to be replaced by an army of performers wearing garishly coloured plastic/PVC costumes. This was supposed to represent Russia in the modern age because Techno/electronic music is only really about 30 years old and only came into being when the technology was created to produce it. As such there is much debate as to whether it is possible for electronic music to ever be as good as the great classical works that we still listen to today hundreds of years after they were composed. To emphasise the theme of modernity the performers costumes were reminiscent of the iconic Communist worker outfit of blue denim overalls but done in very modern fabrics and colours.

However the first thing most people would have noticed about the performers costumes is that they resembled the outfit worn by Mario the plumber in the groundbreaking 1980's Nintendo video game "Super Mario Brothers." With such an obvious reference to Nintendo the large, brightly coloured blocks that the performers where pushing around resembled the bricks from that other iconic 1980's Nintendo video game "Tetris." Initially though I think the blocks were supposed to represent the more general pixels used in digital animation. So when the blocks were assembled to form images of the five Winter para-Olympic sports it was supposed to promote discussion about livestreaming which is a relatively new addition to debate about access to and coverage of the Olympics and the para-Olympics in particular.

Although I steered clear of the livestreams for my own reasons I have heard horror stories from people who tried watching livestreams during the Olympics. Due to the high volume of traffic - particularly during hockey games - many servers became overloaded leading to the pictures freezing and breaking up into blocky pixels. As a result it seems that the technology isn't really there yet for the Olympics and para-Olympics to become its own broadcaster in the online world so getting traditional TV coverage must continue to be the priority.

Amid the garishly dressed performers acrobats and actually just athletes emerged to perform extreme street sports such BMX riding, skateboarding and parkour. This was obviously a reference to the way that these new extreme sports are being absorbed by the Olympic movement. This was a particularly relevant discussion to have at the Winter para-Olympic games that included snowboarding events for the first time. However the aggressive, hip-hop style (in the UK we call them "hoodies") which these extreme sportsmen/boys carried themselves also seemed to be a direct reference to the way Jay-Z and Rihanna arrived during the 2012 para-Olympic closing ceremony. They were proceeded on stage by youngsters behaving in a similarly aggressive fashion. In 2012 this was intended to promote discussion about whether the Jay-Z, Rihanna and Kanye West song "Run This Town" caused the August 2011 riots. However at 2014 the tone seemed to be more along the lines of; "Oh look, here come the children. Hopefully they'll grow up soon."

With the extreme sports out of the way the performers really drove home the Tetris reference by playing a giant game of human Tetris with different groups of performers marching in perfect unison in the shape of the Tetris blocks. The main reason for this is that the game Tetris is actually coming up to its 30th birthday having been invented in 1984 in Moscow by Russian computer programmer Alexey Pajitnov. Therefore this was Russia reminding the UK that while it likes to boast about all the awards it won for the movie "Gravity" and it's contributions to the burgeoning video games industry Russia is also heavily involved in that sector. In fact the way the Tetris game ended with the words "Game Over!" flashing up on the 'scoreboard' that was being projected onto the arena floor seemed to be a Russian response to the UK led criticism that the use of light projection during the ceremonies made it hard for people in the arena to work out what was going on. The message seemed to be; "That was big enough for you all to see right?!"

Also during the Tetris game the famous Tetris theme music was played really loudly. That music is a mixture of the new electronic music and old Russian polka music. As such it seemed to be the Russians gently reminding us just how far down the head spinning route they could go if they really wanted to.

The end of the Tetris game saw the arrival of futuristic looking stage hands suspended above the arena on wire-harnesses. Dressed in overalls that featured LED lights and wearing what appeared to be bicycle helmets these stagehands costumes were supposed to emphasise the futuristic/modern theme and I personally thought they resembled the costumes of French electronic music duo "Daft Punk." The stage hands were then winched down to the arena floor on their harnesses where they appeared to pick up the blocks that had been present throughout the sequence. When the blocks had been raised into the air they spelled out the word "Impossible." Although this was spelt in English the geometric style of the lettering was reminiscent of the Russian, Cyrillic alphabet.

In the pre-show hype this sequence had been billed as "Mission Impossible" because it involved the mission of raising the word impossible and the wire-harnesses were used were also used in a famous sequence in the Tom Cruise film "Mission Impossible." However the music that was playing during this sequence was not the rock/metal version of the Mission Impossible theme that was used in the film and got plenty of outings during the hockey matches. Instead it was a possibly Russian performed instrumental version of the "Led Zeppelin" song "Kashmir."

That iconic song was sampled by US hip-hop producer Sean "P-Diddy" Coombs in a song for the soundtrack of the film "Godzilla" called "Come With Me." People who have rifled through my record collection will also know that P-Diddy also worked with US rapper "Nas" on a song called "Hate Me Now." Most of the drama and power of the song comes from its sampling of  "Carl Orff's" cantana "Carmina Burana" which in my drunken state yesterday I mistook for Verdi's Requiem. As such P-Diddy's body of work helps to highlight the way that the low, pop-culture of hip-hop/rap has to steal from the high culture of classical music to justify its existence.

Kashmir is a hotly disputed region between India and Pakistan. However in terms of a well known song that also highlights hip-hop's use of sampling it is as close a reference to Afghanistan as you are going to get.

The fact that Led Zeppelin are a British band leads onto a discussion about other British bands and the way that Britain is very good at using pop-music as a form of soft-power. For example the song "Winds of Change" by the Anglo-German band "The Skorpions" is widely acknowledged as setting the atmosphere for the fall of the Berlin wall and the collapse of the Soviet Union. That obviously has to be an example of soft-power at its most powerful. Other examples of British soft-power pop-music from the 1960's and 1970's include the "Rolling Stones." Having only really got into listening to them recently I feel that although good the Rolling Stones aren't really worthy of the almost god-like hype that surrounds them. In the early part of their career the Rolling Stones got caught up in a big drugs scandal and after that started releasing songs like; "You Can't Always Get What You Want" which is exactly the sort of song a government would promote heavily to dampen down the protests that were going on in the 1960's. Then there is "The Who" - their Russian polka inspired song "Baba O'Reily" does seem like the sort of thing the British government would use to build bridges with people in the Soviet Union during the Cold War.

There actually seems to have been some efforts by the UK to drive this issue onto the agenda during the para-Olympics. On Thursday (13/3/14) a private helicopter crashed killing a prominent Northern Irish politician. That brought back memories of the 1994 Mull of Kintyre Chinook crash in which senior members of the Northern Irish security apparatus were killed. Apart from triggering discussion about all the technical aspects of that crash including flaws in the software on the helicopter's navigation system that are similar to the MH370 saga and all the political fall out the reference to the Mull of Kintyre crash also reminded people of the "Paul McCartney & Wings" song "Mull of Kintyre." With Paul McCartney's fashion designer daughter Stella McCartney choosing to invite Rihanna to her recent launch show at Paris Fashion Week she has sort of become a metaphor for the whole Rihanna situation. Plus the use of bagpipes in the song Mull of Kintyre would really have given people a headache during Saturday's (15/3/14) Wheelchair Curling. It certainly did me.

With the word "Impossible" hanging in the air it was time for most hyped sequence of the entire ceremony. This saw Aleksey Chuvashev from the opening video climb a 15 metre rope using nothing but his hands. While I suspect this had been practised over and over again and there was a suspicion that Chuvashev was helped by a wire-harness your first reaction to hearing this described would probably something along the lines of; "If he fails that is going to be really embarrassing." As such Chuvashev's struggle to the top of the rope represented Russia's struggle to stage the Sochi games under seriously difficult conditions.

When Chuvashev reached the top of the rope he released an apostrophe that changed the word "Impossible" into the phrase; "I'm Possible." For para-Olympians - especially ones born with a disability - this is a very powerful message because science and society really tells them that they shouldn't exist let alone attempt sport. So by competing at the para-Olympics they are both showing that they are possible and they can achieve. Also plenty of people were saying that it was going to be impossible for Russia to make the Sochi games a success.

However with the very computer graphic like lettering the addition of the apostrophe was also a reference to computer programming. In every day language the addition of a simple apostrophe can completely change the meaning of a word or sentence. In computer language it is probably even more important because if one symbol in a string of programming code is in the wrong place it can cause the whole thing to fail. Cyber-attack or software error have of course been suggested as possible causes for the disappearance of MH370. Also the existence of a computer virus made up of code containing Russian letters has been cited as an example of Russian aggression towards Ukraine although I would need to see the actual code before commenting further. Primarily though through this sequence Russia was trying to highlight the fact that it is actually very well accomplished in science and technology - particularly in the field of computing with the world leading computer security firm Kaspersky Labs being based in Moscow.

With the legend "I'm Possible" revealed the sequenced ended and C4 went to an advert break.

On this occasion C4 did manage to return from the commercial break in time for the Parade of Nations. As in the para-Olympics many of the athletes suffer from mobility problems it is sort traditional for the athletes to take their seats before the start of the closing ceremony with only designated flag bearers carrying their respective national flags into and around the arena. This closing ceremony stuck to that tradition with the flag bearers again emerging from beneath the arena floor and parading beneath the "I'm Possible" legend which stayed in place throughout the remainder of the ceremony.

The only thing of note from the Parade of Nations is that TeamGB and their Commonwealth Realm ally Australia decided to use it as a way to make a statement about the long running Olympic debate about the age of sexual consent. Carrying the Australian flag was Ben Tudhope a 14 year old Snowboarder who had to be given a special dispensation to appear at the games. I don't think he should be in any way offended by me pointing out that Tudhope does look just like a 14 year old boy so throughout the games he has been at the centre of a discussion about whether he is too young to be there.

As their flag bearer TeamGB had chosen Jade Etherington. Throughout the games TeamGB and C4 have been pushing Etherington to the centre of their coverage. In part this is because Etherington seems to be genuinely talented but also because she is quite an attractive women which promotes discussion about disabled people as sex symbols and their right to enjoy things like a sex life. In fact on Friday (14/3/14) I described Etherington as my 'Weird Crush' of the games which apparently made her feel so unwell that she was forced to pull out of her final event on Sunday (16/3/14). Therefore I should probably explain that I define a 'weird crush' as the occasion where you find yourself attracted to someone but are mildly disturbed by they fact that you find them attractive for some reason you just can't quite put your finger on.

Having sucked all the fun out of the situation by over analysing it I've come to the conclusion that what unsettles me about finding Jade Etherington attractive isn't that she is visually impaired - in fact I would consider that a bonus - but the fact she seems so sweet, innocent and emotionally much younger then her 23 years. As a result I think that we would have very little in common meaning that a romantic relationship just wouldn't work. I sort of get the same thing with Miley Cyrus because although she is an attractive young women and there would be no legal barrier to us having a sexual relationship the age gap means that I feel I wouldn't be able to connect with her in the same way as I would with, say, Rihanna. This sort of discussion highlights how difficult it is for governments to pass laws governing things like the age of sexual consent because although it would be legal I personally think that a romantic relationship between myself and Jade Etherington would be a bad idea. Of course the dangerous flip side of that argument is that if it is too difficult for governments to pass laws about things like the age of sexual consent should we even have laws governing the age of sexual consent? That of course sounds like a paedophiles charter but sadly is all we've come to expect from the UK.

With the Parade of Nations over it was time for the awarding of the Whang Youn Dai Achievement Award which is unique to the para-Olympics. Dr Whang Youn Dai contracted Polio at the age of three but still went on to qualify as a medical doctor and champion the para-Olympic movement both in her native South Korea and internationally. So at the 1998 Summer Para-Olympics in Seoul, South Korea the International Para-Olympic Committee (IPC) introduced an award in her honour. At every para-Olympics since that award - and a valuable cash prize - has been awarded to one male and one female athlete who is; "fair, honest and is uncompromising in his or her values and prioritises the promotion of the Paralympic Movement above personal recognition."

The 2014 male award went to Australian Super-G skier Toby Kane in honour of holding the Australian team together following the death of teammate Matthew Robinson who died on February 21st (21/2/14) aboard a medical evacuation flight back to Australia following an in competition crash in Spain. Obviously that had a devastating effect on the Australian team who were expecting Robinson to compete alongside them in the Snowboard event at Sochi. However the incident also serves to highlight that if the Russians had wanted to stick the knife in over Ukraine by holding a in memorium sequence in the Olympic closing ceremony they certainly would have had grounds to do so.

The 2014 female award went to Dutch Snowboarder Bibian Mentel-Spee. This reflected the fact that Mentel-Spee began as an able-bodied Snowboarder in 1993 and qualified for the 2002 Winter para-Olympics in Salt Lake City, USA. However just before those games Mentel-Spree was diagnosed with bone cancer that forced the amputation of her leg. Four months after that amputation Mentel-Spree was back Snowboarding and with the event included in the para-Olympics for the first time in Sochi Mentel-Spree won the first ever women's Snowboarding gold medal.

Due to the fact that Dr Whang Youn Dai was South Korean and the 2014 Winter para-Olympics have been sponsored heavily by the South Korean technology company Samsung the award ceremony was proceeded by a video that borrowed heavily from the Samsung advert that has been shown worldwide to promote the para-Olympics. Of course during the 2012 Summer para-Olympic closing ceremony I described the Whang Youn Dai Achievement Award as "Some Chinese Award." As such I hope the South Koreans will forgive me because the 2012 closing ceremony was so stressful for me it's still capable of ruining my day some 545 days later.

With the flags of the competing nations in the arena and the awards handed out it was time to get back to the action. The next sequence centred around 210 Cossack dancers choreographed by Nikolay Kubar. Cossacks with their elaborate costumes and complicated dance routines are of course an aspect of Russian culture that is probably famous the world over. However Cossacks are particularly important to the 2014 games because Sochi is slap bang in the middle of the Cossack's traditional homeland and in preparation for the games the Russian government once again put Cossacks on the payroll to help provide security at the games. Eastern Ukraine and particularly Crimea are also traditional Cossack territory so in light of recent events it seems the world needs a little reminder of exactly what they are dealing with.

As they performed their traditional dances - the "Sabre Dance" is probably the most famous - the Cossacks were dressed in traditional costumes but emphasising the theme of modernity their costumes were made up of modern materials such as plastic/PVC. The Cossacks costumes were in the Red, White and Blue of the Russian flag but the brash and garish nature of the materials used made them resemble more the red, white and blue of "Uncle Sam" which represents the US government as personified in J.M Flagg's 1917 war recruitment posters. To drive home the statement about American arrogance the 'sabres' the Cossacks were in fact light tubes in a clear reference to the "Lightsabres" used in the "Star Wars" series of films.

"Star Wars" is also the nickname given to the Strategic Defence Initiative (SDI) that was launched by US President Reagan in 1983. The plan was to place laser armed satellites into space in order to shoot down Soviet nuclear missiles in order to allow the US to launch nuclear strikes against the Soviet Union without the risk of retaliation and the Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD) that would surely follow. As such the SDI or 'Star Wars' is considered a byword for the US' rabidly insane hatred for the Soviet Union that began under Reagan but sadly still continues to this day in parts of the US Establishment.

Throughout the Cossack sequence the music was very interesting. Initially it started as traditional Cossack polka music which helped bring Cossack culture to the fore but also reminded everybody how far down the mind spinning route the Russians could have gone with these ceremonies if they'd wanted too. However about half-way through the music began to blend into what sounded like a James Brown vocal. Just as you were beginning work out exactly what James Brown song it was the vocal began to sound more like Stevie Wonder before progressing into just a generic American black, male soul vocal. This of course played about with the main theme of the ceremony of Russian high culture versus American pop-culture. The message seemed to be the Russians going; "Yeah we can do that just as well as you. It's just we don't see the point."

The James Brown song "Living In America" of course featured heavily in the 1985 film "Rocky IV" which saw Sylvester Stallone's all American boxing champion "Rocky Balboa" come out of retirement to fight the Soviet Union's machine like "Ivan Drago" played by Dolph Lundgren after Drago killed Rocky's mentor "Apollo Creed" in the ring. While the earlier Rocky films were actually quite intelligent social commentaries on the lives of the working class in a post-industrial American Rocky IV was just trash. If there was any hint of a political message to the film is was that the USA is brilliant and amazing while the Soviets are all stupid and evil. As such it feeds perfectly into the theme of US pop-culture always trying to find a new lowest common denominator. Rocky IV is also another example of the US' brash arrogance during the Reagen years.

As the - for want of a better term - American black music was playing the Cossacks were joined in the arena by the aggressive hoodies that had first appeared during the earlier extreme sports sequence. The Cossacks and the hoodies then proceeded to have a bit of a dance off. As with their appearance earlier the hoodies were supposed to represent US hip-hop/pop culture and Jay-Z and Rihanna in particular. To emphasise the point during this sequence the music resembled the "Nah, nah-nah, nah" hook from the "Macklemore" song "Can't Hold Us." At the 2014 Grammy Awards Macklemore cleaned up in the rap/Hip-Hop categories in what was seen as a clear snub to Jay -Z.

The main message seemed to be that the Cossacks would eat Jay-Z and his fellow faux gangster rappers for breakfast. However the sequence also took a very specific swipe at the US' 2013 Rihanna operation. The objective of the European leg of that operation was to help make the US expert in European Union (EU) politics and the EU's policy to former Soviet states in particular. Recent events in Ukraine have more then proved that the mission had failed and the US is actually pretty clueless about what it going on in Ukraine particularly the ethnic tensions between the Cossacks and groups like Right Sector.

Unfortunately though - confirming every negative stereotype about the US - this complete lack of understanding hasn't stopped the US trying to throw it's weight about and making an already delicate situation much worse in the process.

With the Cossacks leaving the arena at the end of the sequence I will end part one here and continue in part two.

(Originally Posted) 18:45 on 18/3/14 (UK date).

The 2014 Winter Para-Olympics: Day 8(ish)

The final full day of competition at the Sochi games has seen the men's Giant Slalom skiing, the 4x2.5km Cross-Country Skiing mixed relay, the 4x2.5km Cross-Country Skiing open relay, the finals of the Ice Sledge Hockey and the semi-finals and finals of the Wheelchair Curling. However - let's be honest - it's all been about the gold medal hockey match between Russia and TeamUSA that we were denied at the Olympics due to the American backed coup in Ukraine. Hell even the Curling was really about the hockey.

The day began with Russia facing off against TeamGB in the first semi-final while Canada met China in the other semi-final that was being played at the same time. As Canada are not only the 2010 defending para-Olympic Curling champions but also the 2006 defending para-Olympic champions they should have quite easily dispatched China but the Chinese put up a strong fight in either an effort to win or avoid another match against TeamGB. Eventually though the Canadians triumphed 5-4 and went through to the final.

The Russia V TeamGB game was more interesting though because in the run-up to Thursday's (13/3/14) final day of the preliminary round the US and the UK tried very hard to heap pressure on Russia's traditional ally China through things including - but not limited to - the missing Malaysian airlines flight MH370. Overnight the US and the UK tried playing the same trick again with Rihanna leaving the UK for the US, Chris Brown being arrested and the search for MH370 producing lots of new developments that could be interpreted as coded references to either situation. 

For example the overnight talk about MH370's disappearance being the result of a "deliberate act" was supposed to create speculation that the US had withdrawn Rihanna from Drake's tour as part of a deliberate strategy. The new focus on "the people on board the plane" was a reference to the fact that all the other passengers on board Rihanna's flight from Manchester, to New York City, US were aware that she was on board and immediately started sharing this fact upon landing. As such the US' belief that Rihanna could travel unseen to visit Drake on his tour is so ridiculous the whole thing is nothing more then a suicide mission for all concerned. Apart from being a publicity stunt for British broadcaster Channel 4's (C4) "Live From Space" season of programs the supposed satellite data which puts MH370 on the Turkmenistan/Kazakhstan air corridor is the world laughing down it's sleeves at US President Obama's plan to withdraw troops from Afghanistan by the end of 2014.

Needless to say Russia went on to absolutely destroy TeamGB 13-4 with TeamGB being forced to concede defeat before the end of the match.

This meant that Russia went onto meet Canada in the gold medal match while TeamGB met China in the bronze medal play-off. Although on paper it seemed like the more interesting match the TeamGB V China match up was merely an accompaniment to the Russia V Canada match that was being played at the same time. If politics had stayed out of it the most likely final of the Olympic men's Ice Hockey would have been Russia V Canada meaning that the para-Olympic Curling final provided a neat metaphor for another fantasy game that never got to happen. In the bronze medal match China basically just toyed with TeamGB going 2-0 up before allowing TeamGB a comeback that was almost as dramatic as their one against TeamUSA on Thursday. Eventually TeamGB won 7-3 securing the bronze medal

However while all this was going on Canada were playing Russia in the same room. Being the better team Canada could have chosen to beat Russia in a straight sporting contest or to let Russia win in an effort to show support for the hosts who have been putting on an amazing games under extremely difficult conditions. Alternatively the Canadians could have let Russia win to indicate that the US and the UK's efforts so far have been nowhere near a match winning standard. After some early flirting Canada decided to just get it over and done with as quickly as possible winning the match 8-3 and their third successive gold medal before the TeamGB V China game had finished.

With TeamGB and Canada both winning their matches this made it appear that the UK Commonwealth of which the UK, Canada and Malaysia are all members had scored a great victory over the Russian and Chinese alliance. However it was at this point that my sarcasm detector exploded because Russia had won the silver medal and last time I checked silver was better then bronze. This complex turn of events obviously heaped the pressure on the Russia V TeamUSA hockey match because, well, which version of the story did they believe? 

To add even more pressure on the hockey final the United Nations Security Council (UNSC) decided to hold an extraordinary session to discuss and eventually a vote on an Australian authored statement condemning Sunday's referendum on Crimean independence from Ukraine at exactly the same time as the hockey final. It almost goes without saying that there is currently a spilt on the UNSC between the USA and UK Commonwealth nations and Russia over the situation in Ukraine. China are of course still a bit of a wildcard. In the end the UNSC rushed to an early vote with 13 members voting in favour of the statement and Russia vetoing. China abstained which reflected the spilt in Chinese/Russian relations that was seen in the Curling.

It was then time for the hockey final which I had dubbed "The Kiev Decider." This was deadly serious reference to the fact that as with the "Bieber Decider" and the "Drake Decider" the loser will have to keep the Kiev government along with it's mountain of debt and political and social problems. As a result the first period saw both TeamUSA and Russia trying their hardest to win but nothing could separate them. 

Mid-way through the second period Russia's Loysov under-hit a pass that was intercepted by TeamUSA's Sweeney who immediately went onto score. Realising what was at stake and that in their first ever para-Olympics they were the weaker side compared to the current para-Olympic champions the Russians immediately appealed this goal for no apparent reason. That appeal was overturned but the referees seemed to get the message and started trying to help Russia equalise. This was all to no avail and the second period ended 1-0 to TeamUSA.

By the start of the third period the referees had decided they were not going to intervene unless they absolutely had to. This led to a particularly brutal - by Olympic standards - 15 minutes in which I'm sure I saw at least one actual punch thrown. Despite this and a last-gasp charge from Russia they couldn't find a way past Cash - TeamUSA's goal tender and it finished 1-0 to TeamUSA. As a result TeamUSA have won their first back-to-back para-Olympic golds and conceded that Russia will now sort out Ukraine without any further interference from the USA.

In the cross-country skiing in which both Russia and Ukraine are dominant honours were shared with Russia taking the 4x2.5km mixed and Ukraine taking the 4x2.5km open. Earlier in the day Canada won bronze in the hockey by beating Norway in a match-up that was never really in doubt. Sadly with all that going on I don't have a clue what happened in the Giant Slalom. I hope they don't hold it against me.

(Originally Posted) 20:25 on 15/3/14 (UK date).

Operation Misery: Month 13, Week 2, Day 4

Obviously we are all expected to concentrate really closely on the super top-secret information that Britain's Rolls-Royce have provided to Malaysia and which Malaysia has then shared with the US for clues about this. For example yesterday (14/3/14) evening (UK time) it was announced that the lithium batteries on Malaysian airlines Boeing 777 flight MH370 could be a possible cause for its disappearance. The lithium-ion batteries on the Boeing 787 Dreamliner were of course used extensively to discuss why Chris Brown was not in prison - Cell 6 was specifically suggested.

However what we do know is that yesterday morning (local time) Chris Brown was thrown out of the rehab facility where he was staying for an, as yet, undisclosed infraction. As Brown's stay in this rehab facility is mandated as part of his probation the judge handling the case - Judge Gluber - issued a warrant for Brown's arrest. That warrant was executed at around 13:00 (local time)/21:00(GMT) and Brown is currently being held, in prison, on remand without bail. Experience suggests that over the course of the next working week Brown will be recalled to the Gluber's courtroom so this can all be swept under the carpet. In the meantime Brown is facing the violation of probation offence that carries a maximum 4 year prison sentence.

In terms of the wider context I have been thinking that something like this is likely for a while now. Basically when rumours about Rihanna and Drake dating began to emerge Chris Brown took the news very badly. Obviously this prompted his then girlfriend Kerruche Tran to dump because he was clearly still obsessed with his ex. Since then everybody has been having a good laugh at Rihanna and Drake's attempts to convince us that they're dating. That has obviously left Brown feeling more then a little bit foolish and its really only been a matter of time before he blew up again. In fact Brown is that prone to aggression and violence one wonders how many similar incidents the rehab facility have been forced to cover-up in the last couple of weeks.

As for Rihanna she has now left Drake's tour in Manchester, UK and returned to New York City, USA. As the charade with Drake has never been anything other then a death sentence for Rihanna this is clearly good news. However because she has involved herself in Drake's tour it will continue to damage Rihanna. For example there is going to be tension about whether Rihanna will continue to drop in an out of nations as Drake's tour continues. As such Rihanna really needs to make a strong statement making it clear that she is going to have nothing more to do with Drake and will instead be using the upcoming months to bring her career back from the dead. Obviously staying in the UK meet up with me would have done that.

(Originally Posted 15/3/14) 

The 2014 Winter Para-Olympics: Day 7(ish)

Yesterday the para-Olympics saw the semi-finals of the Ice Sledge Hockey and the dramatic final day of the preliminary round of the Wheelchair Curling. Tomorrow will see the hockey final between Russia and TeamUSA and the semi-finals and final of the curling. As a result today has been something of a flat day with everyone trying to recover from the drama of the previous day and prepare for the excitement of the next.

This actually worked out quite well because it allowed the Snowboard Cross to take centre-stage. This is of course the first time that any Snowboard event has been included in the Winter para-Olympics meaning that there was plenty to talk about. Having only been introduced into the Olympics at the the 1998 Nagano games in Japan  snowboarding is still a cause for tension between Olympic purists who see it as simply teenagers mucking about and people who are wrong.

Also para-Olympic snowboarding does raise the issues of the limits of disability and the limits of disabled sport. That is because snowboarding is very dependent on balance and the competitor being able to react very quickly to subtle movements being sent up their legs from the snow via the board. Obviously people with prosthetic legs do not have sensation in those prosthetics meaning that they are not receiving the information from the snow. As a result you would think that snowboarding is a sport that is simply beyond people who do not have full feeling in their legs. Sadly today's competition did seem to support that theory with no competitor in either the men's or women's event managing to complete all three runs without crashing.

The other big event of the day has been various disciplines of the biathlon - the sport that combines cross-country skiing with rifle shooting. Being the hosts the Russians have been keen to win all the medals at these games and have particularly excelled at the biathlon winning four of the six gold medals on offer today. However a universal effort was made to hand the other two gold medals to the Ukrainians. This was done in order to highlight the fact that the majority of the deaths at the hands of snipers in Independence Square during Ukraine's recent coup were the responsibility to the current Kiev government rather then the government of Vicktor Yanukoyvch. As such I strongly recommend that the current Kiev government withdraw their application to the International Criminal Court (ICC) because if the ICC is given the freedom to do its job any such investigation will reflect very badly on them.

Finally we got to see the completion of the Super-Combined skiing that was delayed from Tuesday (11/3/14) due to the fog. Fortunately the weather has been co-operating with fresh snow falls on both Wednesday (12/3/14) and Thursday (13/3/14) meaning that the event was able to go ahead with none of the safety concerns of Monday (10/3/14). In the visually impaired event there was success for TeamGB with Jade Etherington and guide Caroline Powell taking the silver. Etherington adds this to the two silver and one bronze medals she has already won at these games making her Britain's most successful Winter para-Olympian ever.

I'm sure though that this accomplishment will pale into insignificance when Jade Etherington realises she has most certainly been my weird crush of the games.


(Originally Posted) 20:35 on 14/3/14 (UK date).

The 2014 Winter Para-Olympics: Day 6(ish)

Today's big story has been the final day of the preliminary round of the wheelchair Curling. This saw TeamGB first take on TeamUSA and then China in an effort to reach the knock-out stage. TeamGB, TeamUSA and likely the International Para-Olympic Committee (IPC) conspired to make it look as if there was some urgent discussion going on between the UK and the US before dumping that discussion in China's lap to see how they would cope. As things stand in UNFCCC negotiations the US and China represent the two main opposing camps and as usual the UK is trying to carve out a role for itself as an intermediary.

The largest part of this supposed discussion between the US and the UK has been the search for Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 which has been missing since the start of the para-Olympics. Obviously the Malaysians - acting at least partly on the UK's behalf - are trying to make this situation as complicated as possible. For example the search for the two Iranian passengers who were travelling on stolen passports was a reference to a reasonably well supported theory that the 1988 bombing of Pan-Am flight 103 over Lockerbie, UK was not the work of the Libyans but actually the work of the Iranians and Syrians in retaliation for the shooting down by the US of an Iranian passenger jet earlier in the year. With the Lockerbie bombing being used as an unofficial justification for the United Nations Security Council (UNSC) backed attack on Libya in 2011 suggesting that Muammar Qaddafi was not responsible for the bombing is hugely inflammatory - not least because Syria is already under attack and Saudi Arabia has most certainly got Iran in it's sights.

At its core though the MH370 story has 153 Chinese civilians missing, presumed dead and the Malaysians are refusing to tell China what has happened to it's citizens. Nations have gone to war over less. By refusing to tell China what has happened the Malaysians are hoping that the pressure from the relatives of the missing passengers will force the Chinese to deploy its latest military technology in the search. Primarily this forces China to expose its capabilities but the Malaysians - and by extension the UK - were hoping to use this exposure of Chinese technology would make it look like they were explaining to the US that the Rihanna operation failed because South-East Asian nations were perfectly capable of tracking Rihanna's plane as she made her way around the South China Sea including the unscheduled detours to Thailand. For example the Malaysians have recently requested help in the search from the US - the US obviously being the only people on earth capable of interpreting radar data(!)

To confuse the situation further the UK today released the findings of the inquest into the 2009 crash of a Bond Helicopters SuperPuma in off the coast of Scotland. Obviously people in espionage circles were expected to know about this announcement in advance. That helicopter crash occurred during the emergency G20 Summit that was held in London to formulate a response to the 2008 financial crisis so could be a reference to any number of things. Also (incorrect) comparisons have been drawn between the 2009 crash and the recent crash of a police helicopter - also operated by Bond - in Glasgow, Scotland adding an extra level of confusion to the situation.

For their part the US already had in play the investigation into the large building fire in San Francisco, California and the investigation/rising death toll from the building collapse in New York City both of which occurred yesterday (11/3/14). Added to that overnight a car crashed into a crowd of concert goers outside a venue of the South by Southwest (SXSW) music/film/technology festival in Texas. Obviously through the concert/tour theme the US was trying to make it look like a inquest into what went wrong with the Rihanna operation. The fact the incident is being blamed on a drunk driver is supposed to indicate that the US are still blaming me entirely for the failure of the Rihanna operation and that they think I must have been drunk/under the influence of some narcotic not to let them carry out their plan. Continuing the dangerous driving/narcotic theme there was also a lengthy car chase through the streets of Denver, Colorado that saw the suspect steal several vehicles before being caught. Again this could mean pretty much anything. In an effort to make it look like there was a conversation going on the UK piped up with a pedestrian who was killed in a collision with a police car which was chasing a suspect vehicle.

My favourite section of the back and forth between the US and the UK though began with a US story about two teenage girls in Maryland, Virginia who bullied a 16 year old autistic boy into performing sex acts and to doing dangerous stunts like throwing himself in to a frozen pond. Obviously the theme of exploiting someone with autism could be interpreted as a reference to the various ways my high-functioning autistic father has been exploited particularly over the criminal mis-treatment of my grandmother. The UK then moved the conversation on with an announcement that various charities are calling on the police to do more about so-called 'Mate-Crime.' Borrowing from the term "Hate-Crime" this describes a practise in which people pretend to become friends (mates in slang) with people with learning difficulties in order to steal from them, physically assault them, sexually abuse them and generally humiliate them. As this story was routed through the BBC's pop-music radio station "Radio 1" this was clearly intended to be a reference to Rihanna's faux relationship with Drake. After all with Rihanna's world already having shrunk dramatically since 2012 it is hard to see her coming back from this rather begging the question; "Just how stupid is she?!"

Although I doubt it was at the front of anyone's minds the issue of learning difficulties/mental retardation is quite an interesting one to bring up during the para-Olympics. That is because the para-Olympics are often mistaken for the Special Olympics. The para-Olympics are simply for athletes with some form of physical disability. The Special Olympics on the other hand are for people who are so stupid they fit into the medical definition of "retarded." That is to say they - for a variety of reasons - are so stupid that they are incapable of understanding things like the fact that you need to eat food in order to avoid starving to death or that sticking your fingers into an electrical socket is generally a bad idea.

While I can't immediately think of any examples at the Sochi games this misconception that people with a physical disability are also mentally retarded is a big issue within disability rights. The classic example being Cerebral Palsy which can make sufferers look physically quite odd and give them great problems with things like speech that can make them appear stupid. However this is simply caused by a problem with the way the brain communicates with the rest of the body and people with Cerebral Palsy are no more or less likely to be mentally retarded then anyone else. In fact the TeamGB equestrian para-Olympian Sophie Christiansen who has Cerebral Palsy is not only of average intelligence but is actually so clever that she's gone beyond the level of genius into the category known as "frighteningly intelligent."

With such a complex set-up the TeamGB v TeamUSA Curling match couldn't be anything less then dramatic and both teams played their part. In the early part of the game it was all TeamUSA before TeamGB put on one of the most dramatic comebacks in Olympic Curling history to win 8-7 in effectively extra-time. Sadly TeamGB then went on to play China who wiped the floor with them 6-3. With Russia losing to Slovakia at the same time this meant that TeamGB would be forced into a play-off tomorrow (14/3/14) where they would most likely face China all over again. Fortunately though Russia defeated Slovakia ending a possibility of a re-match between TeamGB and China which certainly gives TeamUSA and TeamGB plenty to think about in terms of the current relationship between China and Russia.

Away from the Curling arena today also saw the first big drugs scandal of the para-Olympics. Italian Ice Sledge Hockey player Igor Stella was banned for 18 months and fined USD1,570 after testing positive for a banned steroid three days before the start of the games. A steroid is obviously a hormone that forms part of the endocrine system which is crucial to the physiological basis for homosexuality. 

Although details are still thin on the ground at the moment due to the shortness of the ban I suspect that Stella had tested positive for a cortical steroid that he could have accidentally ingested as part of a cold and flu treatment similar to the treatment I was using for my recent cocaine related sinus infection. Although this type of steroid is unlikely to have improved Stella's athletic performance on testing they can mimic other steroids that do so are banned. This sort of accidental steroid use was behind many of the bans that were handed out in the final week of the Olympics. Beyond that "Stella Artois" is a brand of beer that is famous for sometimes sending people - myself included - a bit loopy so the Italians could be attempting to promote discussion about that. Also during Paris Fashion Week I mentioned that Rihanna's decision to attend the Stella McCartney fashion show would be used by the UK to drive Rihanna onto the para-Olympic agenda by claiming they had some special insight into her life. As such the Stella case could also be the Italians attempting to promote discussion about that plan which has grown to include Rihanna joining Drake in the UK in an effort to sell the idea that they are mating/dating.

Then of course there was the small matter of a hockey semi-final between defending para-Olympic champions Canada and TeamUSA. Due to Channel 4's refusal to broadcast this and my refusal to watch livestreams I still I haven't seen this match although I hope to watch it tomorrow.  I gather though that the Canadians more or less failed to turn up handing TeamUSA a 3-0 win. With Russia defeating Norway 4-0 earlier in the day this means we will finally get the gold medal match between Russia and the USA that we were cruelly denied at the Olympics due to the American backed coup in Ukraine.

I though prefer to think of this result as a tacit agreement between the USA and Canada that Drake will immediately return to his native Toronto where he will be free to to develop his career in the fast food industry. As I'm sure Drake's learning though if you want to sell out stadiums you've got to hype things up a bit.

(Originally Posted) 20:20 on 13/3/14 (UK date).